Fifty Shades Darker | Movie Review

1h 58min | drama, romance | James Foley | Dakota Johnson, Jamie Dornan | February 9th 2017 (NL)

So part 2 of the Fifty Shades Thrilogy is finally out! This film takes part after the breakup in the first film. Anastasia tries to get her career going in Seattle, while Christian fights his inner demons. Ana is however not free from Mr. Grey as she is being stalked by the woman who was Christian’s sub before her…

I saw the first film two years ago (has it really been that long??) with two of my girlfriends, so naturally we went to see the sequel together too (after some delicious Korean food and some catching up!). I have to admit that at the time I thought Fifty Shades of Grey wasn’t as horrible as I thought it would be (5,5/10). With Fifty Shades Darker though, I wasn’t sure that would be the case.

You see, I tried to read the book after seeing the first film, but I just couldn’t finish it. The main reason being the horrendous writing of course (those dialogues *facepalm*), the second being the questionable plot with all it’s plot holes. Let me put it like this: if the plot were a cheese, it would be an Emmentaler (maybe not the best analogy, since I love cheese). I remember feeling Fifty Shades Darker was trying to be a lot more than it’s actually is: a BAD smutty fanfiction that reads as if it was written by a horny pubescent teenager. And I know all about that, because I used to write smutty fanfiction as a horny pubescent teenager. About me sexing up Draco Malfoy to be precise. And it was STILL a lot better than Fifty Shades. How these books got so popular is still beyond me. But I digress…

Being forever hopeful, I thought “maybe Fifty Shades Darker will surprise me?” *checks reviews*. Ok…horrible reviews left and right: a 4,9 out of 10 on IMDB, a 9% on Rotten Tomato’s, and a director friend from my boyfriend walking out of the theater. Boy, that sure sounds promising! Well…here we go, here we go!

 

Review

I’ve been staring at my screen for like a full 15 minutes and I honestly don’t know what to say. I just don’t know where to start! I can’t just be like “it was horrible, but I’m not mad at it?” and leave it at that right? This review needs a little more substance than that.

So alright, let’s get more into it. I had the exact same feeling with this film as I had with the book: it tries to be something it’s not by throwing potentially exciting plot changes at you. But these just don’t work, because these plot changes, in the form of threats to Anastasia and Christian’s relationship, get eliminated before the suspense even reaches its height. And then the “plot” goes right back Anastasia having doubts, terrible dialogues and rather boring sex scenes. Where did the ceiling thingy go from part 1?? And why on earth is Anastasia completely naked most of the time during sex scenes, while Christian isn’t? Not fair! But I digress again…

I think that, besides the plot still being an Emmentaler ([SPOILERS START] How did Leila get herself into their homes? Who let Jack into the party? How the hell did Christian survive that accident? Christian gets all panicky when Anastacia touches his chest, but when she threatens to leave him AGAIN he just puts her hand on his chest without a problem? Did they really get engaged over a 3 week period? I can go on and on… [SPOILERS END]), the thing I noticed the most is that Fifty Shades Darker is actually a little boring! But maybe that’s better, seeing Anastasia and Christian’s relationship wasn’t really healthy at all.

It’s pretty obvious who are going to be the baddies in the next and last Fifty Shades film. I’m not going to read the book, so I can’t wait to see how these get will be bazooka-ed into the “plot” and then removed within the next 5 minutes.

All in all: not a good film, but sort of entertaining as a result of it. If that makes any sense…And I have to admit that there were some parts of it that I actually enjoyed and made me go “aww”. Until they got fucked up by some stupid line that is…

My Rating: 5,0 – you can’t polish a turd (the turd being the book, obviously)

 

Have you seen Fifty Shades Darker? What did you think? Let me know in the comments! C; comments

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